Ashton (aka @aplusk) is the most popular man on Twitter. With great popularity comes great creepiness. All of the below Tweets were sent to Ashton VERY recently. That’s right, we had to whittle down our favorites from just the last week!
10. @DOLLYKUTCHER BREAK HIM HIS MOUTH THIS SLUT ARE YOU A MAN? PROTECT YOUR WIFE S#@T!!!!
What we love most about this Tweet is that it ends with a plea for Ashton to help out his wife. Nevermind that the rest indicates a psychotic, violent break from reality. Protect your wife too, Ashton.
9. @jrodz1 and that fart of a specimen @aplusk / who gives a d@#$ who you punk/ ok TV , but you have no message / attack like its twitter, bro
This appears to be some kind of hate poem. Remember when poems were made of an artful combination of eloquence and, well, English?
8. @TourettesTweets S@# p%$ a&*$ fart ball mouth @rainnwilson @aplusk @mrskutcher
Nothing particularly special about this Tourettes experiment… except perhaps that it is also directed at Rainn Wilson of “The Office” and Ashton’s wife Demi. Why Rainn? Do the three of them share some kind of swear jar?
7. @jennifer12888 ths murder needs the attn it dsrves christian and newsom rape torture and murder knoxville tn cobbins got life nt death
While it appears to be a well-intentioned attempt to get publicity for a local violent crime, the Twitter-speak of abbreviations and violent imagery turned it into a mashed word pudding of creepy.
6. @Tabby4321 wondering how long I would have to be dead before someone came looking for me…I’m thinking it’s gonna be awhile
Informing a celeb of your impending demise is creepy. Hinting which location would be excellent for your own corpse is extra creepy.
5. @luka_arg_ ur a f@#$ing piece of s#@t! Stop talking about Argentina you f@#$ing Z-LISTER! ur a f@#$ing loser ur f@$#ing career is DEAD!!
Nice to see Argentinians are capable of the same kind of knee-jerk self-defense as we Americans. Not sure what Ashton said to elicit the threat, but it was probably tender compared to the response.
4. @sheilascoular the best place I’ve come across for dead people is in westminster abbey. fascinating historical tombs dating back centuries.
Really? That’s what you call a cool graveyard, a place for dead people? Charming.
3. @KathiPet i’m dead curious what picture of today living humans future scientists would create based on your grave :D
At first glance this appears to be a musing on what future generations will think of Ashton’s grave. On second glance, the inclusion of scientists makes the grave sound a little too forensic/splatter/creepshow for one stranger to remark to another. Broken English doesn’t help.
2. @kattwitting Maybe I’m showing my age, but stories about near statutory rape fantasies seem inappropriate for 7th grade- your thoughts?
We want to give @kattwitting the benefit of the doubt and say this is in the context of something Ashton said. Then she ends with “your thoughts?” implying this is a sudden inquiry on her part. Why don’t you figure this one out on your own?
1. @CRVanUllen my Grandpa always said “why cultivate something on your face that grows wild around your balls?”
Really? Is that what your grandpa told you? Were you in seventh grade?
Twitter is wonderful and horrible. Check out 21 Twitter Hashtags That Failed To Catch On This Week, and 10 Funniest Dinosaur Comics Written By Twitter.
This post was written by Raymond Fleury aka IHeartAshton.
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