Over the weekend, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne “Lights Out” Merriman, was arrested for assaulting MTV Reality show star Tila Tequila. Authorities were called to Merriman’s home on Sunday morning at 3:45 am by Madame Tequila under claims of imprisonment and assault. Tila Tequila said Merriman choked her and would not let her leave. She then requested to be taken to a hospital. Perhaps her show should have been on TNT. They know drama, and this is drama. No one is denying that Merriman is viscous on the football field, but give us a break. Tila Tequila should have been choked out a long time ago. Here are some more reasons we should all assault the Vietnamese bisexual.
10. Her Real Name Is Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen
Obviously she wants people to think she’s Mexican and NOT Vietnamese. Thirty years ago she would have been killed by the Viet Cong for that crap, let alone choked out.
9. She Has Previously Claimed On Twitter That She’s “Allergic To Alcohol”
All Asians have a resistance to the naughty juice, but don’t call yourself “Tequila” if you’re not going to eat the worm.
8. She Ain’t Rihanna
They already have a feud when it comes to style and clothes. Now Tequila is trying to play the “I was abused” game too. Hell no! Good luck getting Merriman to appear on “Larry King” in a baby blue sweater.
7. She’s Too Political
She called Sarah Palin a “media whore” while she was dancing in the street for cameras outside a nightclub in Los Angeles. Then she started grabbing her girlfriends breasts and lifting up her own shirt once the cameras got closer. That’s like the pot calling the kettle a black prostitute.
6. She’s Confused
She has sex with both men and women. She says it makes her “open minded,” but we all know it just makes her vagina comparable to a Pringles can. Once you pop! You can’t stop!
5. She’s Irresponsible
She openly admits she doesn’t use protection. That’s crazy! Shawne is all about protection. He wears pads, a helmet and the defensive line for breakfast! No protection? We’d give her an illegal horse collar too.
4. She Thinks Philip Rivers Is “Cool”
Nobody thinks that. Nobody. He might be a great player, but he is definitely not cool. Not at all.
3. She’s Still On MySpace
Sure, it made her famous, but it’s called DieSpace now. It’s the home of pedophiles, losers and Kevin Federline fans. Anyone that’s still associated with it should wear tightly gripped hands as a necklace.
2. She’s Dumber Than A Box Of Rocks
She didn’t know what a “happy ending” was. If you’re Asian, AND you’re a sexual vixen AND you don’t know what a “happy ending” massage is then you shouldn’t be allowed to share our air. We would also like to put cameras in your bedroom to make sure that you can legitimately walk upright, and that you truly are a human being.
1. Experience
She’s choked down plenty to get to where she is. Choking should be the easiest thing she’s ever had to do.
Do you still want more Tila Tequila? Check out our coverage of Russell Simmons comparing her to Michelle Obama. Tila is almost as obnoxious as the 10 Most Annoying People At Your Fantasy Football Draft.
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