Most of today’s celebrities are completely useless. Like… and we’re just spitballing here… Kim Kardashian and Jon and Kate. But every once in a while, we get a celebrity who actually has legit talent or is a genius in an area other than the performing arts. Today, we’re going to give some dap to 10 of those celebrities — ones who, gun to their head, could actually do something besides act, sing or make a sex tape.
10. Masi Oka – Visual Effects Expert
In 1997, Masi graduated from an Ivy League school (granted, it was Brown, but still, an Ivy) with a double major in Computer Science and Mathematics. His first job was at the George Lucas company Industrial Light & Magic, where he worked on special effects for the “Star Wars” prequels.
He didn’t start acting until a few years later, and actually went on auditions during the day and worked on visual effects at night. In 2006, he was cast as Hiro on “Heroes”… and started getting laid way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way more often than he ever would’ve guessed.
9. Geena Davis – Archer
In 1997, Geena Davis thought archery looked like a good time, so she decided to give it a try. (Because, ya know, who hasn’t wanted to shoot an apple off of someone’s head… and, this time, NOT kill them?)
She had such a natural gift for it that, within two years, she was one of 300 women invited to try out for the U.S. Olympic team. She finished 24th out of the 300… which didn’t qualify her for the team, but still marked an absolutely unprecedented rate of success.
8. John Legend – Management Consultant
Before John Legend became a music superstar, he was going into offices around the country and getting paid like $5,000 a week to fire a bunch of people. After he graduated from the University of Pennsylvania (He turned down full rides from Harvard and Georgetown.) he worked at the Boston Consulting Group as a management consultant.
On the side, he was working on his music and made a demo, which he sent around. In 2001, he got introduced to Kanye West — who was still an up-and-comer at that point — and they started working together on John’s debut album.
7. Danny DeVito – Expert Hair Stylist
You would never know it by looking at him now, but, before he was on “Taxi”, DeVito was an extremely successful and popular hair stylist. Seriously.
6. Beyonce – Savant-Level Connect Four Champion
This is really, really weird, but, according to reports and anecdotes from , Beyonce is a world-class Connect Four player. Like, she sees the board on Connect Four the way a grandmaster sees a chess board — 20 moves ahead, strategies to win no matter what you do, no mercy.
This was the “gaming” spot on this list, and, because her skill is so obscure, she beat out NBA player Gilbert Arenas… who is reportedly one of the top “Halo” players in the world.
5. Viggo Mortensen – Poet
Viggo has published two collections of poetry. But this isn’t a Russell Crowe music situation… Viggo’s poetry was getting recognized and published before he was a famous actor, so you know it’s legit good. Here’s one of his poems:
HE’S GOT A DEEP, ABIDING RESPECT
VERGING ON IDOL WORSHIP
FOR WHERE THINGS END UP.
THERE ARE UNOPENED LETTERS
IN HIS REFRIGERATOR, A FAKE
FINGERNAIL IN THE SOAPDISH,
SHOES EVERYPLACE.
THESE THINGS, AND MANY MORE
LEAVINGS, FRAGMENTS, BALANCING
REMINDERS OF A BREEZE
FROM A SLAMMED DOOR–
CONFIGURATIONS OF SANCTIFIED LOOSE ENDS–
HAVE BECOME THE LIVING NET
ABOVE WHICH HE PERFORMS
THE MOVEMENTS THAT MAKE
THE CLOCK WORK.
We’re not sure what it means, but we’re assuming it’s a metaphor for death. All poems are a metaphor for death.
4. Jamie Lee Curtis – Inventor
Back in 1987, Jamie invented and patented a special kind of disposable diaper — one that had a waterproof pocket built in to hold baby wipes. It was never made, because she couldn’t find a company that would make it with entirely biodegradable products.
So dumb. By the time all of the world’s cities are being built on diaper landfills, we’ll all be dead! So why not cash in now and let the next few generations worry about it?
3. Ken Jeong – Doctor
Ken is now in pretty much every comedy that comes out… but his big break came with his first movie role, when he played an a-hole doctor in “Knocked Up.” What we didn’t know at the time: That was some serious typecasting… because Ken Jeong actually IS a doctor.
He graduated from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Medical School and did his internal medicine residency in New Orleans. He was the “funny” doctor, so his co-workers talked him into doing stand-up comedy at a local bar one night a week. His act started catching on, he eventually moved to Los Angeles… and, after a few breaks, his acting and comedy career became full time. Which must’ve just THRILLED his parents. (Like, you know when they saw the scene in “The Hangover” where you see his tiny, tiny, tiny package, one of them leaned over to him and said, “You gave up being a doctor for this?”)
2. Asia Carrera – Pianist
Long before Asia Carrera exploded into the porn world and became an expert on working the penis, she was a child musical prodigy who performed at Carnegie Hall as a pianist.
Back then, she wasn’t Asia Carrera, she was Jessica Steinhauser, growing up in New Jersey, becoming a world-class piano player. But there was a SERIOUS price. She always felt like her parents put too much pressure on her, so she rebelled about as aggressively as a girl can rebel — by quitting on her gift to become one of the most famous porn stars in the world.
1. Dolph Lundgren – Chemical Cngineer
Dolph Lundgren has a MA in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney and got a Fulbright Scholarship to MIT. “If he tests the sorption of two dyes to determine the intraparticle diffusion mechanism process, he dyes.”
Images found at Hyphen Magazine, Sports Illustrated, BET, Boston.com, Kanye University, Sofeminine, Computer Juice, Cape USA, Photobucket and James Keane.
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