The ninth season of ABC’s hit show “Dancing With The Stars” is just a month away. Recently the celebrity cast was announced, and it left us wondering if there is any real reason for us to tune in for another season of America’s favorite dance competition. We could only come up with 10, and here they are:
10. Donny Osmond
If you’re too young to know who he is, don’t worry about it. Basically, he’s exactly what Nick Jonas will be 40 years from now.
9. Michael Irvin
Former teammate Emmitt Smith won “DWTS” in season three. Now Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin will try to become the second Dallas Cowboy to win the show. If Irvin makes it past the first few weeks, he’s bound to eventually show up with some cocaine residue on his face. When that happens, it will make for a historic television moment.
8. Joanna Krupa
We really don’t think it’s necessary to provide an explanation. Just look at her picture:
7. The Judges
We’re really hoping this is the year Len Goodman goes crazy and b*tch slaps Bruno Tonioli across the face.
6. Louie Vito
Don’t know who he is? Don’t worry, neither did we. Wikipedia claims he’s a professional snowboarder who completed in the Winter X-Games and finished 5th in Men’s Superpipe competition in 2006! If that doesn’t get you excited we don’t know what will!
5. Natalie Coughlin
In 2008 at Beijing, Natalie Coughlin became the first America athlete to ever win six medals in a single Olympics. In addition, she won five medals at the 2004 Athens Olympics. Since previous seasons have proved fans of the show have a major hard-on for all former Olympians, she’s our early favorite to win the entire thing. In season four, Apolo Anton Ohno and his partner Julianne Hough won the championship, and last season 17-year old Gymnast Shawn Johnson took home the trophy. If Michael Phelps could lay down his bong for a few months he could compete in the show and win it all too.
4. Aaron Carter
Who’s the bigger train wreck, Aaron Carter or Kelly Osbourne? This season of “DWTS” should provide some insight on this question. Imagine if those two ever hooked up and had a kid, s/he would become the next Amy Winehouse.
3. Chuck Liddell
This washed up former UFC light heavyweight champion looks to regain some respect with his moves on the dance floor. Unfortunately, he was never known for his elusiveness in the ring, so he’s our early favorite to become the first celebrity voted off the show. Still, there’s always a chance he’ll last long enough to go roid rage and beat the crap out of Aaron Carter. We know everybody, including us, would love to see that happen.
2. Macy Gray
First of all, we were amazed to find out she’s still alive. Now that we know, we’ll definitely tune in to see her for many of the same reasons we can’t wait to watch Michael Irvin. Imagine if those two ever hooked up and had a kid, s/he would become the black Amy Winehouse.
1: Kelly Osbourne
Kelly Osbourne is hands down, the number one reason we’ll tune in to watch the ninth season of the show. We just love watching untalented rich ugly people humiliate themselves on live television. Plus, there’s a good chance Ozzy takes the stage and bite Bruno Tonioli’s head off once she’s eliminated.
Offended by this post? Blame Brian Ethridge. Don’t worry, you’re not the only person who hates him.
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