I would love for Kim Kardashian to read this so please help me out. Tweet “Please RT @comedydotcom @kimkardashian Kim, please drop this Alex guy a comment http://bit.ly/1ExN3N”. If enough folks do this, she will see it and my life would be great.
Dear Ms Kardashian,
I haven’t been “keeping up” with your relationship with Reggie Bush that much but I heard it ended. I’m very sorry to hear this. More sorry than when you got burned.
But, what do they say you should do after you fall off the horse? You get back on! You need to be as determined as this chick on this escalator. You gotta get out there again. I know it’s hard but here are some great guys for you to pick from.
10. Greg Brady
You have a lot of siblings so you probably grew up in a hectic and competitive environment. Whatever you went through, Greg will understand.
9. Chris Kattan or Will Ferrell
You were on Dancing with the Stars. I’m not sure which star you were paired up with but clearly you love dancing. The best dancers I know are these guys:
8. Aries Spears
Once you go black, you never go back…
7. Bill Rancic
You have your own reality show. Well, this guy won the first season of the reality show, The Apprentice. He’s probably still Donald Trump’s little bitch so you can make him your little bitch.
6. Jim Belushi
I dunno. I just wanna call you guys Kim & Jim.
5. Eminem
Kim & Slim has a nice ring to it, too.
4. Michael Bay
You chose to be in Disaster Movie. Since you actively want to be in terrible movies, why not date Michael Bay so he can put you in his?
3. This Kid
You better get him before Megan Fox snatches him up.
2. Dustin “Screech” Diamond
Remember how you like making sex tapes? Well, meet the king of sex tapes. Sorry, Mini-me.
1. Me
Hi, I’m Alex. I know how hard the dating world is. I’ve been there, too. And I know how hard it is to be so great looking that I worry whether people want to be with me for me or for my great ass. So, Kim, once your friends link you to this post, just leave a comment and let me know when you’re ready to go out with me for some coffee. We’ll take it slow.
And here’s a runner up: Kevin Spacey and his celebrity impressions.
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