Today John Ratzenberger turns 62. We have to take a moment to wish one of our favorite piggy bank voices a happy birthday, while we’re at it we can’t miss the opportunity to post our 10 favorite Cliff Clavin quotes. Cheers!
10. It’s a little known fact that cows were domesticated in Mesopotamia and were also used in China as guard animals for the forbidden city.
9. I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs.
8. They did a study between postal workers and chimpanzees. They proved chimps were 32% slower. Of course, they were better with public relations.
7. There’s no rule against postal workers not dating women. It just works out that way.
6. It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age.
5. If you were to go back in history and take every president, you’ll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa.
4. It’s a little known fact that smartest animal is a pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20-30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner you can eat them.
3. Everyone is the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army Knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.
2. Women, if they’re not turning down your proposals for marriage, they’re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the women’s lingerie changing room.
1. Buffalo Theory – “Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine ! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
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