Hollywood has had its fair share of great prostitute portrayals in Hollywood. Jodie Foster as Iris Steensma in Taxi Driver, Kim Basinger as Lynn in L.A. Confidential, Luenell Campbell as Luenell in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. All using their acting skill to properly show viewers the life of a prostitute. Then occasionally Hollywood goes bad and hands us the hooker with the heart of gold. They just don’t exist, here are the 5 worst movie hookers.
5. Mira Sorvino in Mighty Aphrodite – Woody Allen’s version of a NY Hooker who also happened to be the mother of his adopted son. She won an academy award for the film, presumably by convincing the audience that anyone would have sex with that hooker who sounded like a dolphin trapped in a wood chipper.
4. Shelley Long in Night Shift – So all hookers are wholesome and could live a normal life if it wasn’t for that mean old pimp. Blah, blah, blah… we get it. Her character was horrible even by 80s movie comedy standards.
3. Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge – Too pretty to be a hooker, too much singing to watch the whole movie.
2. Melanie Griffith in Milk Money – Strips for kids, goes and lives in their tree house and falls in love with their dad. Didn’t I see this on Dateline? Chris Hanson, where are you?
1. Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – Cinderella with Chlamydia. So we’re suppose to believe Richard Gere saved her from becoming the biggest whore on the strip right before her first John? You don’t start walking the streets because you’re tired of being a virgin. All your issues that brought you there don’t go away because your new boyfriend has a limo. I hate this movie… hate!
T.J. Hooker!
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